150+ Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates!!

Source: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Funny Facebook Status Updates is a great way to brighten up your profile page and we share the best ideas here.

150+ Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates!!

If you are looking for Funny Facebook Status Updates then you have landed on the right page.

This article is all about very funny Facebook status messages that have been written by real people. You will find here all Funniest Facebook Status that have been written by some people who do not know how to write using proper grammar.

Read the full collection of the funny Facebook status updates and tell us what you think.

I know the world isn’t going to end in 2020 cuz my yogurt expires in 2021!
I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
Hello, everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “
Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
sometimes, not remembering may be the better.
X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
X is color blind and trying to solve a Rubiks cube… This could take a while.
X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe I’m moving in circles.
Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
Dear Santa, let me explain…
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty-second lover.
My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Statistically, 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
I’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
Cut here —————–✄———————-
Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
Best Friends Listen to what you don’t say.
Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever.
So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret.
I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
what has two ears and can’t hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
I’m not a racer….But I can fly.
press the star below and watch it glow 🙂
▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
I think my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course, I like my own comments. I’m awesome.
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were giving me a dirty look…I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
too cool for school.
trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
definitely not watching what not to wear.
forcing my dog to learn how to google.
kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
X is Loading ████████████ 99%
Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to Life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish can’t Drown.
X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
a day late and a dollar short.
Insert coin to view my status message.
If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
We have so much in common. You want to travel, I want you to go.
happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
20/20 hearing!

Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
Girl: OK?
~Later~
…Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!

why do we need school???
music~we have YouTube for that.
Spanish ~I watch Dora.
English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
geography~i will buy a globe.
history~they are all dead anyway.
math~that is why we have the calculator.
spelling~we have spell check on the computer.

People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?
NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”

“how do you spell gay?”
“g.a.y?”
“noooo! j.u.s.t.i.n b.i.e.b.e.r!” (;

what’s the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;
Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD
Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
We guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich ! 🙂

Me and my mom were shopping for new Cd’s and she asked me..
Mom: honey, Who’s your favorite artist?
Me: Eminem
Mom: The candy?
Me: no the rapper
Mom: What’s so special good about Candy Wrappers?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?
status: I can’t log into facebook 🙁
A bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the curser

*BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNANT*
Doctor: your pregnant
Blond: *smiles* 🙂
Doctor: your having twins
Blond: *crys*
Doctor: is’ant that good?
Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby
Doctor: LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!

Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy 😉 All i want to know is, where can i get a number? 😉
Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!
My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”
Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.
i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling

Guy: Did It Hurt?
Chick: Did What Hurt?
Guy: When you fell from…
Chick: Heaven Awww :’)
Guy: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down!!
Chick: ……….
Guy: Hahaha BITCH!!

Sorry, Ke$ha the party dont stop till I walk in.
honk if you love Jesus Textwhile driving if you want to meet him.
Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone.
How much coke has Charlie Sheen done?……………enough to kill 2 1/2 men….
I love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me.
I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”

A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me, he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.
I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…
Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won.
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.
A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said ” what is this”? He answered teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!
Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still raise awareness!
One day a chicken crossed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken!
Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!
I’d rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself

■decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
■One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
■When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
■sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
■X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
■X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
■X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
■What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
■slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
■wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
■X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
■People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
■Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
■Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
■WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
■║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
■Dear Santa, let me explain…
■I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
■My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
■If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
■Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
■Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
■Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
■Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
■٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
■_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
■if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
■scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
■̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
■Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
■The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
■Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
■i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
■Cut here —————–✄———————-
■Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
■People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
■Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
■Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
■Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
■Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
■So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
■X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
■Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
■You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
■Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
■I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
■Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
■I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
■X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
■Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
■what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
■I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
■press the star below and watch it glow
■▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
■I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
■Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
■X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
■Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
■I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
■X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
■X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
■¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
■Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
■oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
■wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
■X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
■Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
■If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
■eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
■I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
■a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
■ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
■All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
■too cool for school.
■trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
■the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
■–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
■definitely not watching what not to wear.
■forcing my dog to learn how to google.
■kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
■Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
■X is Loading ████████████ 99%
■Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
■U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
■X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
■Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
■I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
■In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
■X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
■never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
■a day late and a dollar short.
■Insert coin to view my status message.
■If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
■We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
■happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
■seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
■remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
■> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
■20/20 hearing!
hahhhHAHAHAHHAHAHhhahahahhahahahahHahhahahahahhahaHHkhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHHhhahahahhahahahahah 😀 bet nobodys ever did that 😉

1128 COMMENTS

Ayush Singh February 28, 2021 At 2:49 pm

Such a Wonderful Collection..better one.
IYOU Sport Band September 27, 2019 At 2:59 pm

I was in the middle of writing a song with my sister before a saw this blog she looked at me like I was insane because I jumped out of my seat and went over to my laptop. She then just looked over at me an I was typing and said “Are you writing a comment on a blog that was just posted again,” Ten out of ten.
ally January 28, 2014 At 9:53 am

LOL soooo funny laughed till I cried
BL January 24, 2014 At 6:35 pm

wow some of you people need to get a sense of humor…. most of this is funny, especially about that little shit Justin Bieber, that kid is a joke, his music SUCKS ASS…. he needs to go to jail for a little while and play with the big boys there, they will put the little shit in his place, LOL…for those of you that probably didn’t find any of these funny, your probably single because you lead a very sad life, you have probably never cracked a smile… this is some funny ass shit….
SwagginSniper35 April 24, 2013 At 4:50 am

Haha good ones
lysa March 25, 2013 At 11:21 pm

“What has two ears and can’t hear? Grandpa.” Hahahahaha!!!! I laugh a lot to this joke because i’m thinking of my late grandpa
Darren February 16, 2013 At 5:14 pm

Good one about the sandwiches.
CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE…..
STOP YOU’RE GETTING MAYO ALL OVER THE BED 🙂
Brittany February 6, 2013 At 10:39 am

Lol love all the Justin Bieber jokes
emily February 4, 2013 At 2:56 am

im gonna be the awesomest grandma ever lolz 2013 teeens r the best lolz (:
kz February 1, 2013 At 12:50 am

laughed so hard bout the apple n blackberry fruit one 😀 i think i dyed for a second :p <3
kay January 18, 2013 At 7:50 am

I love this site 🙂
kooooooko January 15, 2013 At 8:08 pm

a boy went to sleep and snored !!!!! hahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
this is a true story
Felicia Mathis January 14, 2013 At 7:41 pm

haha…
Felicia Mathis January 14, 2013 At 7:39 pm

When I have kids I’m going to make them watch the movie “2012” and tell them I survived that.
Smokey January 13, 2013 At 1:07 am

I love this page!
Joshua B January 7, 2013 At 4:19 am

Another good one I’ve seen: “The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks I’m the only one who can prevent forest fires. I mean, I don’t feel trained for this and I don’t remember even signing up for the position.”
Habsex January 2, 2013 At 5:25 am

I <3 the ones about sex cheese. Tomato
Dale Brown January 1, 2013 At 1:58 am

Tell you like the Bathtub told the Toilet stool,I get as much Ass as you,but I dont have to take all of that shit…lol..
DALE BROWN January 1, 2013 At 1:54 am

Tell you like the Bathtub told the Toilet stool,I get as much ass as you,but I dont have to put up with all of that shit…lol..
SWAG December 26, 2012 At 8:26 am

oll guds…..
Airy Oglesby December 23, 2012 At 2:45 am

My favorite one was about eating the giant marshmallow, and waking up to find your pillow gone.
cody December 5, 2012 At 9:24 pm

ahahah theas status are too funny 😛
Tboy MC November 29, 2012 At 4:59 am

Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this site
needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the info!
Anand November 23, 2012 At 1:31 am

Fab …………….!!
arbie143 November 17, 2012 At 3:42 am

So were funny, some were REALLY funny, some were just boring and some were just sshhhittttt!!!
Lance November 15, 2012 At 12:46 pm

I just created a new app and it’s approved by appolo…its called iDontCare!!!
rimmy November 6, 2012 At 8:50 pm

not up to mark
Kingsley Charles November 4, 2012 At 11:29 pm

Oh oh oh i have 1, Steve Jobs’s Wife just updated her facebook status to iSingle…lol
Doggie October 30, 2012 At 7:07 pm

Its hilarious indeed
spartan11679 October 30, 2012 At 3:55 am

justin bieber has too reached puberty, these jokes have got to go!
spartan11679 October 30, 2012 At 3:42 am

The Justin Bieber jokes are not funny. He is not gay and he does have “male parts”
spartan11679 October 30, 2012 At 3:41 am

The one about the Snickers bar and Justin Bieber isn’t funny. Of course he has a male anatomy, he is a male 🙂
alexandra October 25, 2012 At 2:33 am

Cheese,cheese,tomato,cheese!!!!!!!! LoL
Sankalp October 18, 2012 At 6:02 pm

It’s really amazing!!
Emma October 18, 2012 At 4:29 am

None of this was funny.
It was crappy grammar and punctuation also.
AHMED October 13, 2012 At 2:20 pm

EEFGYW5H6REDHITJIRJTU
jamal muhammed October 11, 2012 At 3:28 pm

dis ‘s the best ding i ‘ve eva read ……………………………………..
linda October 7, 2012 At 5:57 pm

lmao ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ooh…
linda October 7, 2012 At 5:54 pm

lmao ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ooh
Lalalal Lyn September 23, 2012 At 10:43 am

hahaha this is so funny i post as my status
Tyler August 28, 2012 At 10:36 pm

These are seriously funny. If u wanna see more funny fb statuses go to funnystatus.com.
Cijo Cyril August 23, 2012 At 1:46 am

cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool !!!!!!!!!!!
nina August 11, 2012 At 8:11 pm

lol,
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololooololololllololololololololol
yashu August 5, 2012 At 11:08 pm

very nice ………….. :-):-):-)
yashu August 5, 2012 At 11:06 pm

very nice :-o:-o:-o
Amy Doppeee August 3, 2012 At 6:55 am

It wasn’t that funny… -__-
cellou July 24, 2012 At 4:50 pm

Hahahahahhahaha! i posted it on my wall! wajajjajajaj
LALA July 9, 2012 At 5:23 pm

BAHAHAH funny as hell!! <3
•CheZz• July 5, 2012 At 3:58 pm

You Americans…
•CheZz• July 5, 2012 At 3:56 pm

You americans are soo weird lol
Lorro July 3, 2012 At 2:09 pm

Slept like log last night,, woke up in the fireplace
JRMEX July 3, 2012 At 12:31 am

A stupid man tells a girl to shut up. A smart man tells a girl she looks preety when her mouth is closed.

That awkward moment when Pinocchio and Voldemort meet.

Who ever says words can’t hurt you has never got hit in the face with a dictionary!
nia July 2, 2012 At 4:31 am

Haha Funny
saharish jamal June 29, 2012 At 3:13 pm

hmmmmmmmmmm very very niceeeeeeee
April-Christine June 24, 2012 At 10:11 pm

This stuff really made me laugh. lmfao need to read some more 🙂
Super June 23, 2012 At 3:57 am

Well, the last one was funny. Other than that, they were all immature and you obviously cannot spell for shit.
TNiika_15 June 21, 2012 At 5:02 pm

Haha THis is Fwannyy AF’
When life gives you lemons June 21, 2012 At 8:31 am

Brooo’skiii’sss thiss shitt,wasnt even close to funny norr KOOOOO lolololol. Thenn its was like i wasted 10mins reading this lololol ?!??? Justkidding these aree funnyyyy AF like legit lololol-sheila-•
hotshit101bitches June 19, 2012 At 4:48 am

that shit made me and my boyfriend laugh we love having sex and reading this shit
Tesiapettee June 13, 2012 At 5:03 am

hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahaha. oh shit that was funny.
Amy June 10, 2012 At 6:41 pm

these r so funny
yomomma June 7, 2012 At 5:13 am

Where do you keep all of that tomato sauce?
Alyssa Yaawhitegurl Moore June 5, 2012 At 8:26 pm

learn to spell
Alyssa Yaawhitegurl Moore June 5, 2012 At 8:26 pm

learn 2 spell!! HOE:P
Ajinkkz June 5, 2012 At 6:52 pm

lol…..
Surajthegreatkhali June 4, 2012 At 10:07 am

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░
░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆
Stella June 3, 2012 At 11:52 pm

One of mine is on there… neet!
Stella June 3, 2012 At 11:52 pm

nice to see one of mine is on there.
Carmen June 1, 2012 At 4:18 am

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆ ░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄░░░░█▀▄▀█░█▀▀░░░█░ ░░░█▀█░█░█░█░█░░░░█░░░█░█▀░░░░▀░ ░░░█░█░█▄▀░█▄▀░░░░█░░░█░█▄▄░░░▄░ ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆
Diamond Shavers May 31, 2012 At 11:44 pm

these are so funny
joraxx May 30, 2012 At 10:34 am

it takes 1 1/2 hour reading all of this!! is soo funny i cant concentrate here doing my job!! hahaha lol!! like dis page!! hehe
[email protected] May 29, 2012 At 9:29 pm

so u are the hoe that told the how that i am a hoe well lesson hoe it takes a hoe 2 know a hoe hoe !!
Lukedson May 26, 2012 At 9:46 pm

That is rubbish
Bryan May 26, 2012 At 2:39 am

My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.
Gnawgahyde May 24, 2012 At 12:22 am

Try putting this on your status if you want your friends to get a laugh.

Dear Pfizer. Thank you very much for being so concerned that you warn us at the end of every Viagra commercial , but, I have already compiled a list of people I will call if I have an erection that last more than 4 hours, however my Dr. did not make the list!
Malachi May 22, 2012 At 8:39 am

4,765,963 people got married last year….Shouldn’t that be and even number?
Mashish2008 May 21, 2012 At 9:00 pm

good one ….
regards ashish
Sasha ;) May 21, 2012 At 2:15 pm

WTF!? haha
MiAcAt May 19, 2012 At 6:03 pm

Can I get 69 likes on this. Sorry, I just need something to match my full-time job. 🙂
Jameswait47 May 16, 2012 At 8:24 am

Id kick you in the vagina if I knew I wouldn’t loose my shoe
Deviant May 9, 2012 At 12:58 pm

that means ur old too…just playing ..i get it
Brantheman2011 May 8, 2012 At 1:01 am

Treat her like a princess, fuck her like a pornstar 😀
Sum Supid Azz Shit :P May 7, 2012 At 12:35 am

there iz younger ppl reading this
holachicka April 29, 2012 At 12:50 pm

I had my friends phone the other day, I changed my contact name to GOD. so whenever I called her phone, it said…’GOD is calling’
psherman April 29, 2012 At 12:45 pm

sometimes late at night, when everyone else is sleeping. I fill my bath with tomato sauce, submerge myself completely, pretending i’m a meatball
tunechi April 29, 2012 At 1:39 am

lol i just got like 1 like or 2 lol
Xionblaze April 28, 2012 At 7:37 pm

i didnt :/
Roottaylor April 28, 2012 At 7:41 am

I just spent like an hour and a half reading all these.. & my grandma was watching tv & got mad cuz i just HAD to read all them to her during her movieee. haha. 🙂
Roottaylor April 28, 2012 At 7:39 am

this has 69 likes, haha. hell yeah. 🙂
Katrinacasillas29 April 27, 2012 At 10:05 am

who goes to macdonolds
Katrinacasillas29 April 27, 2012 At 9:56 am

hahahahaaha omg thats really funny
Katrinacasillas29 April 27, 2012 At 9:50 am

Eww wtf who would say tat

loke ugh what if there is younger people reading thiz
Katrinacasillas29 April 27, 2012 At 9:43 am

hahaha lol thatz funny
D-clark-123 April 20, 2012 At 5:25 pm

The cost of a Princess dinner at Disney is the equivalent of an hour in Champagne room. What would you choose?
Stephenbz April 18, 2012 At 11:30 pm

If I tell you your ass looks fat will you stop asking?
Lauryncreel April 14, 2012 At 2:33 am

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
mina kumari April 13, 2012 At 11:06 pm

Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
Dustinwilkinson007 April 13, 2012 At 12:06 pm

who wonts to get drunk and crash an aa meeting?
マニュエルミツキー April 12, 2012 At 1:49 am

magbasa neto tanga.
Tliyaht April 11, 2012 At 3:49 am

its still funny … i bet you take others statuses and use them as your own ( :
Justycegurule April 4, 2012 At 7:27 am

A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistable to all women. So she turned him into a credit card.
Thsitseg April 4, 2012 At 2:00 am

(:
Mannee98 Hm March 30, 2012 At 11:55 am

a guy walks past his bosses office and heard him say” up and down ohh you fell so good” guy thinks he must do something to stop this so he barges in ready to yell at his boss only to realise he was playing with his new office chair
Alisha Lovell March 23, 2012 At 4:37 am

some gud…. but soo not the Justin Bieber’s ones… have some respect guys… but he kinda luk gay though but dnt put him down so low… have a heart…
sasha March 22, 2012 At 2:37 am

this iz the funnies webste ever!!!!looooooooooooooooooooved it
Mzwandile March 21, 2012 At 8:38 pm

hahahahahhahahha
Melanie-Jordan March 17, 2012 At 1:37 pm

I hate the JUSTIN BIEBER one’s ’cause it’s really mean to US BELIEBER’S it get’s old after while. Make fun of someone you know personally not someone who’s famous and you have never met. I have met Justin and he is the nicest, sweetest and most down to earth guy I have ever met in my life! His family are lucky to have him and so are his friends. I wish I knew him before fame ’cause I would have loved to be his friend. I love Justin Bieber with all my heart and there’s nothing people can say that will change my mind about him. I have loved him since the first YouTube video and will continue to love him forever after his last video (not that, that will EVER happen!!!)
jack March 17, 2012 At 9:11 am

MOREEE JUSTIN BEIBER SHITTT 🙂
adhien March 16, 2012 At 2:06 am

hei ..hei..hei
ThereMightHaveBeenATimeWhenIDidn'tGiveDamn March 15, 2012 At 1:57 am

Some are funny but some are kinda offensive. I really don’t like the ones that make fun of Justin Beiber. I don’t really like his music, but it’s mean to make fun of him.
David tennants mum March 5, 2012 At 4:34 am

BLIUUUUGGGHHHHHAAAAA
David tennants mum March 5, 2012 At 4:32 am

AAABLAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!
I EATED YOUR BABEEZ!!!
AAABLAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!
Micre Nick March 4, 2012 At 2:21 am

Don’t marry for looks; it will disappoint.
Trey Postma March 3, 2012 At 9:55 pm

Poop
Your a douche bagg March 1, 2012 At 5:43 am

These are really………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………lame -_-
Bhavesh Sondagar February 26, 2012 At 6:41 pm

Very funny 😀
Liked that!!
Farzana February 26, 2012 At 5:21 pm

You should try and eat make-up, It’ll make you pretty inside BITCH!
Michael abstance February 26, 2012 At 7:43 am

Everything is made in china , except babies, theyre made vachina c;
jojo February 25, 2012 At 3:06 am

these are funnnyyyy luv the one bout the “making sandwiches”… mayo ahahah
Marixsa February 21, 2012 At 11:28 pm

Some of these are gaay a’f -___________-
Emily February 8, 2012 At 9:16 am

thanks for the clues
Missi February 2, 2012 At 10:36 pm

Too many cmoplnimets too little space, thanks!
Cerao January 31, 2012 At 11:17 pm

Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome.
Veronica Veasey January 29, 2012 At 5:54 pm

Very good blog. Much obliged.
hannah January 23, 2012 At 1:44 am

lkajdf;akusdf
The-One-U-Want-2-Meet January 16, 2012 At 2:43 am

-you dnt kneed to kno-
Mario is Portuguese not Italian 😉
vianka January 10, 2012 At 4:34 am

i liked them, but not funny about the justin bieber ones!! not cool
Reem! January 8, 2012 At 3:53 am

These stautsa are good because i put them as my stayts in5 seconds 7 likes wooppwoopp BUZZIN but some and shockingly bad:)
URMOM January 6, 2012 At 5:44 am

funny stuff LOl
HeyThere December 22, 2011 At 10:35 am

some of thess statuses are stupid and gaaaaaaaaaaay.-_-
harley December 22, 2011 At 6:17 am

remember dont go down there……….
babe December 21, 2011 At 3:21 am

a preist and a buddist are making toast when the priest shouts theres an image of jesus on my toast then the buddist shout i cant belevie its not buddah lol <3
LUCERO December 20, 2011 At 10:46 pm

LMAO:D
Lucero December 20, 2011 At 10:45 pm

lamo:D
Nevaeh December 19, 2011 At 2:18 am

rumors, well atleast for once your spreading somethings besides your legs!
Kaitlyn! December 17, 2011 At 3:21 am

I Love these hahahaaa! 🙂 hmu on Facebook! im wearing a Indiana Hoodieeee! 🙂
Nicole December 16, 2011 At 4:04 am

Hahahaahahah!!;DD Fat Mexican Unicorn<3
Amber Coltrin December 15, 2011 At 9:16 am

Theese are hilarious 😛
suck my **** December 14, 2011 At 8:10 am

ROTFLMFAO
Jasmine December 14, 2011 At 5:35 am

hi
geraldinoe December 13, 2011 At 6:27 pm

funny hey i dnt think my fb wall is gonna survive!!
Clarissa December 12, 2011 At 6:14 am

Hahah,I love the one’s about Justin Bieber.
sherneil changoo December 11, 2011 At 3:15 am

these are so funny 🙂
Paige Nicole December 10, 2011 At 7:49 am

Twinkle Twinkle Little Whore This is School Not Jersey Shore So Take Off All Those Slutty Clothes Dress Like Normal Not Like Hoes …….. I say this all the time at school ……….. and lol I LOVE Jersey Shore
cloud pink December 10, 2011 At 4:15 am

i really like these statu’s <3 j'aime
Esmeralda December 8, 2011 At 6:55 am

Haha Love These <3
Nautica December 8, 2011 At 6:30 am

THESE R SICK!
The mighty hercules December 7, 2011 At 5:01 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH yes my fellow peasants i see you have taken somethings from me, im proud to call you all my people. Now wheres my bitch carlos to rub my toes…with ketchup
raiden December 6, 2011 At 1:22 pm

the one about steve jobs isnt even funny anymore lol
Kiarra December 6, 2011 At 9:01 am

I like these status’s .
you like to eat my caca December 5, 2011 At 10:08 am

caca maca loco moco MEXICAN REPRESENT
you like to eat my caca December 5, 2011 At 10:04 am

i like caca maca loco moco MEX I CAN REPPRETSENT
skeet December 5, 2011 At 7:18 am

who is up for the ultimate dare of walking around a water park with a four hour erection for the whole day?
aliyah December 4, 2011 At 7:49 am

Freakin Funny i love the ladder ! Well fuck u!
mackenzie December 4, 2011 At 6:55 am

My wife said I haven’t took her anything expensive , So I took her to the gas station
JJ December 3, 2011 At 8:36 pm

How come Facebook’s spell checker flags Facebook as spelled wrong?
Becca December 3, 2011 At 4:36 am

wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
-you dnt kneed to kno- December 2, 2011 At 12:02 am

heheheheheheheh!!!!very fonny ppl!;D i like..very much..
MARIO::an italian plumer, who was made by japanese people,who speaks english, but look like a mexican>;P
miro maro December 1, 2011 At 7:05 pm

very faunny add me onn my mail okk ddt-90 @hotmail.com
Lilly Lilly November 30, 2011 At 11:27 pm

Don’t go down there.
╬═╬
╬═╬
╬═╬
╬═
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╬═╬I’m telling you- don’t go.
╬═╬
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╬═╬Are you listening to me? Don’t!
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╬═╬Hellooo… don’t go.
╬═╬
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╬═╬You… you don’t go.
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╬═╬You’re still not listening to me.
╬═╬
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╬═╬I can’t talk to you anymore.
╬═╬
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╬═╬You listen to me… don’t go down there!
╬═╬
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╬═╬Can’t you just listen to me?
╬═╬
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╬═╬Okay, you are starting to drive me crazy…
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╬═╬ You are!
╬═╬
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╬═╬ Are you bored yet?
╬═╬
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╬═╬Last chance… don’t go down there.
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Rebekkah November 30, 2011 At 7:26 am

OH my gosh funny!!!
william November 29, 2011 At 1:24 pm

why do we need school???
music~we have YouTube for that.
Spanish ~i watch Dora.
English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
geography~i will buy a globe.
history~they are all dead anyway.
math~that is why we have the calculator.
spelling~we have spell check on the computer.
Sophia November 29, 2011 At 6:17 am

We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap :3
Nessa November 28, 2011 At 3:22 pm

ILove thesee theyre AWESOMEEE!!
;D ;D 😀 ;D ;P
Nessa November 28, 2011 At 3:21 pm

omg guess what?!
i got a job…
at a mental hospital but they said i need 24hrs with a mental retard want to come ova i hav crayons ;D
vanessa November 28, 2011 At 3:16 pm

two sisters owned a farm one blonde one brunette
BRUNETTE: we need to go buy a bull. I will go into town and buy the bull then ill send a telegram so you can come help me bring it back.
—–so brunette goes into town———-
BRUNETTE: how much is it to buy the bull?
BULL LADY: $50 cheapest price you will find
BRUNETTE: I only have that much but ok
—–brunette buys the bull———
BRUNETTE: how much is it to send a telegram?
SHOP LADY: $5
BRUNETTE: oh but i dont have any money
SHOP LADY: ok i will let you send one word for free what do you want to send?
BRUNETTE: send the word comfortable
SHOP LADY: Why comfortable?
BRUNETTE: Because my sisters a blonde and she will read it as come-for-the-bull
coda November 26, 2011 At 5:17 am

Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!
Kaycee November 23, 2011 At 9:11 am

lmfao,this joke has stuck with me for years….
there was once a blond fed up with everyones shit, so she decided to hang herself, the next day two guys saw her hanging by her wrists…
guys: what r u doing?
blond:hanging myself
guys: ur supposed to put it around your neck
blond: duh i tried that, i couldn’t breath
minhaz November 21, 2011 At 9:16 am

٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
minhaz November 21, 2011 At 9:15 am

this the to chesin a fuck girl……………….//////////////
PuruShoth November 20, 2011 At 10:59 pm

If, all men are dogs…I guess dat just makes all women pussy cats..?
stasie November 20, 2011 At 9:34 pm

bitches r da reasons y jusstin bieber dosent hit purberdy b/c he suk balls play wit balls but dnt hav dem but wat about his penis do he hav dat or duz he hav a fake PUSSY 2 finger every day wen he goes on tour
SteveJobs November 20, 2011 At 10:49 am

hey its not iDead! F U !
LowVyna Tenderjwjwgkey November 17, 2011 At 4:23 pm

really2 entertaining!
Jang Agok November 16, 2011 At 4:15 pm

You whats funny? Obamas ears ladis think he’s cute ahahah okay, i think he’s not it’s coZ HE’S 50 AND FIT THATS ALL I MEAN HE CAN FUCKING DO IT admite it bitch lol
Randyman November 16, 2011 At 1:32 pm

Assholes and opinions everybody has one and yours stink
mike November 15, 2011 At 10:09 pm

lol
very funny
add those also
In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.

***
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
blaha ramondon November 15, 2011 At 5:37 am

yo yo yo. best joke evar:

hey guys i have a cool status i wanna share with u. kk? all you have 2 do is click the see more button. (type in below @seemore and click the first link that pops up. troll ;D0
blah Losers
Midnight Princess November 14, 2011 At 5:51 am

Hahaha 🙂
Midnight Princess November 14, 2011 At 5:49 am

Lol, these made my daaayyy 🙂 love humor.. <3
ashley November 14, 2011 At 4:23 am

‎9966699999966699999966699966669996699999996699666996699 9966999999996999999996666996699666699666996699666996699 9966699999999999999966666699996666699666996699666996699 9966666999999999999666666669966666699666996699666996699 9966666669999999966666666669966666699666996699666996699 9966666666699996666666666669966666699666996699666996666 996666666666996666666666666996666669999999669999…9996699

1) Highlight The Numbers
2) Press Ctrl and F
3) Press 9 & see what’s highlighted (:
nategr8 November 14, 2011 At 2:14 am

Click Ctrl+W to view my status.
XxSnowiee November 11, 2011 At 5:15 pm

Lol This Website Is Freaken Funny ! 🙂
JaNe November 11, 2011 At 9:06 am

Hahahaha Lol This Is Funny Shit!
Dudet November 11, 2011 At 4:28 am

Seriously? This message isn’t loading. So you can’t see what I think of all this. Too bad.

Loading ████████████ 99%………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Ha! you just wasted 10 seconds of your life just to wait for the words u r reading to load. Wow. ur smart. lol! funny jokes. u still wasted 10 seconds.
Brittney November 10, 2011 At 5:45 am

These are really funny i use them for my statuses on facebook.
MOLLY!!:) November 10, 2011 At 1:28 am

hahahahhaha these are hella funnay!
babysugarrubabooty November 9, 2011 At 7:15 am

a blond nd brunet are wlk nd the brunet says look a dead bird the blond looks up and says where where…smh :/
MichaelBowman November 9, 2011 At 6:31 am

JUST BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR STATUS DOSE NOT MEAN ITS AN INVATATION TO TLK… IF I WANTED TO TLK ALL NIGHT WITH YOUR CRAZY ASS ID MESSAGE YOU FIRST lol
Diana Prince November 8, 2011 At 5:07 pm

OMG, I am reading through this page and i just cannot stop laughing! i literally now have stitches on my sides! LOL! 😀
شهد November 8, 2011 At 4:07 am

hello every one
شهد November 8, 2011 At 4:04 am

هلا و الله
shelby November 6, 2011 At 6:37 pm

i frikkin love these!!
gangstar November 6, 2011 At 4:52 am

this is jokes is there any more
99problems November 4, 2011 At 2:48 pm

Girls keep saying ‘all men r dogs’
In reply to them, i keep saying ‘yes, we are. U bitches..!!!’
kaisha November 4, 2011 At 5:13 am

-;#, i love my boy.<3
brittaanny November 4, 2011 At 2:10 am

“to a guy your like a game , there so into you, then the play you like the games over .”
Kelsey November 3, 2011 At 5:16 am

the other day i wise man said, why are you fat?
i said you arent very wise if you dont know the answer to that, its obviously because i eat alot.
wise man says ” oh yeah sorry. “
gangstar November 2, 2011 At 11:29 pm

lmfao
Gracie November 2, 2011 At 2:22 am

what do you call a dog with no legs?
don’t matter what you call him! he aint gonna come!
iTzMeOnFacebook October 29, 2011 At 7:52 am

Boy: Its Over….
Girl: What?? WTF did i dooo??? It dont matter i already slept with 3 of your friendss!
Boy: I Was Talking About The Movie.
Girl: ……….
Boy: BITCHHHH.
Tyler October 28, 2011 At 6:04 am

Hey, Jay Murphy, that was pretty good lol. 🙂
PERSON October 28, 2011 At 5:40 am

OMFG ……I SEEEEEEEEE….
GHOSTS AND PEROPLEEEJFH IM HHHIGH IN THE SKY!
sexy princess October 27, 2011 At 2:12 pm

just soo boring..!!!!!
Saif October 26, 2011 At 1:43 pm

laughing is d most funniest thing 2 do…..!!!
Shelbert October 26, 2011 At 9:54 am

If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence… Your answer should always be, Please don’t hit me again officer…
Mikaela3214 October 25, 2011 At 4:41 am

I love these!(:
Kimberly October 24, 2011 At 1:54 pm

LOVE it , its funny =]
shawdie on'top October 23, 2011 At 12:19 pm

it was stupid to make jokes about justin bieber..but the rest was funny and maybe steve died after he seen this!(im definetly using some of these on facebook!
THEHOTTIE October 22, 2011 At 6:20 am

I LOVE THIS SHIT
ITS THE BEST 🙂
laila October 21, 2011 At 11:20 am

none of these are even remotely good.
zooworld October 21, 2011 At 4:34 am

laughing is the most funniest thing to do. 🙂
Belu October 21, 2011 At 2:54 am

As if talkin to my wall is bad enuff…i have to type it on my facebook wall too.
nolifebuthappy October 21, 2011 At 12:21 am

I just LOL’d at “iReckon”
ps. the iDead was quite funny despite the actual passing of Steve Jobs 🙂
mike October 19, 2011 At 8:49 pm

many many thanks for this
i will put all these on my facebook
Nanananananana October 19, 2011 At 5:47 pm

K……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol thtK……..myb lyk 5 out all of em wer gud….n sum of the 1’s ppl commentd wer funny….but i dnt thnk they’r ol tht……n wats wit hating sarah…..jealous much……..i bet u dnt cum up wit ur own original stuf coz if u did…y did u cum 2 this website…xoxo
Harry potter October 19, 2011 At 2:56 am

Steve jobs is already dead:/
kinkela October 18, 2011 At 12:19 pm

haters gon’ hate
Gertrude Snufflufugus October 17, 2011 At 8:54 am

i have no mind thats why i searched this in the first place… O__O
Emma October 17, 2011 At 12:45 am

Steve Jobs is dead, you idiot; it was all over the news!
Sleazy October 16, 2011 At 11:56 pm

Oh shyt this is so fucking funny
Visi October 16, 2011 At 12:28 am

GOD = Great Omnipotent Dude
Amy McGinnis October 15, 2011 At 11:10 pm

Guys, I thought I would make things a little easier for you. This is the code for the perfect female orgasm:→ ☐✕R2↓▲R1↑◯←.
Amy McGinnis October 15, 2011 At 11:09 pm

This perv just asked me if I was “naked and horny”, I told him I was “dressed and menstratng”…Hopefully I got my point across.
sexy biatch ;-) x October 15, 2011 At 2:31 pm

rubbish -.- these are for old people x
sexy biatch ;-) x October 15, 2011 At 2:28 pm

this stuff is kinda shit guys x
barbie ken October 15, 2011 At 9:42 am

AHHHH funny
barbie ken October 15, 2011 At 9:40 am

dad: money doesnt grow on trees!!
me: money is made of paper.. paper grows on trees.
dad: money is made of cotton.
me: that grows on trees too!!!!!! :/
mike October 14, 2011 At 11:50 pm

hahahahahhahaha

lol most of them are adorable but some are crappy but really its a nice one .
jay murphy October 14, 2011 At 7:07 pm

Facebook, Slagbook, meet just to Shagbook, sneaking about but then ya get caughtbook. Guiltbook, Shamebook, not ya real Namebook, in ya photos ya gorgeous but really yr a Mongbook! Prankbook, Skankbook what a fuckin Crankbook. Its gettin pretty scary cos its turning into Wankbook. Textbook, Sexbook, spying on your Exbook, someone ‘likes’ her photo and ya turn into a Pestbook! Scrapbook, Papbook catch the fuckin Clapbook, grab ya shitty iphone and add the shitty Appbook. Shitebook, Strifebook get a fucking Lifebook! Watch it if ya married cos they’ll nick ya fuckin Wifebook! Creepbook, Peepbook when ya take a Leakbook! Yal even be Facebooking in ya fuckin Sleepbook
Ritu October 14, 2011 At 8:31 am

Awesome stuff, really appreciable, searching for that from long time
obie.1.conobie October 14, 2011 At 2:28 am

■decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
■One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
■When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
■sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
■X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
■X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
■X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
■What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
■slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
■wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
■X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
■People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
■Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
■Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
■WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
■║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
■Dear Santa, let me explain…
■I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
■My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
■If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
■Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
■Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
■Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
■Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
■٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
■_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
■if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
■scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
■̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
■Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
■The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
■Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
■i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
■Cut here —————–✄———————-
■Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
■I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
■People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
■Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
■Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
■Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
■Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
■So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
■X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
■Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
■You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
■Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
■I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
■Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
■I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
■X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
■Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
■what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
■I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
■press the star below and watch it glow
■▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
■I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
■Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
■X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
■Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
■I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
■X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
■X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
■¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
■Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
■oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
■wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
■X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
■Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
■If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
■eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
■I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
■a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
■ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
■All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
■too cool for school.
■trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
■the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
■–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
■definitely not watching what not to wear.
■forcing my dog to learn how to google.
■kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
■Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
■X is Loading ████████████ 99%
■Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
■U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
■X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
■Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
■I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
■In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
■X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
■never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
■a day late and a dollar short.
■Insert coin to view my status message.
■If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
■We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
■happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
■seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
■remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
■> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
■20/20 hearing!
hahhhHAHAHAHHAHAHhhahahahhahahahahHahhahahahahhahaHHkhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHHhhahahahhahahahahah 😀 bet nobodys ever did that 😉
Madison October 13, 2011 At 8:15 am

Steve jobs isn’t dead
SMD.COM;) October 12, 2011 At 11:51 pm

insaME
SMD.COM;) October 12, 2011 At 11:50 pm

this is soo funny , i love this site
im trying to find a funny fb satuas about whores , any sugestions ?
sherinareshreddy October 12, 2011 At 9:42 pm

Hi
Charissa October 12, 2011 At 4:11 am

OMG 😀 these are so funny, i love them… WICKED!!
7894561236 October 11, 2011 At 10:52 pm

im 15 and these are for like old people
BadHumour October 9, 2011 At 9:04 pm

iReckon…
John Cunningham October 9, 2011 At 11:56 pm

Good list. There’s some funny ones in there, that’s for sure!
Emma October 8, 2011 At 6:54 am

omg, steve jobs did die! two days ago, and one of these said iDead, that is terrible! :/
bigsam emma October 7, 2011 At 7:45 pm

its jst i lyk it, i mean this web site
check it out! October 7, 2011 At 2:03 pm

i got one:

“Don’t hate me cuz’ i’m beautiful ! ”
-Keri Hilson
“I hate you cuz’ I’m beautiful ! ”
-Me @ Keri ! & You! ;P
Don't J U D G E ! October 7, 2011 At 1:53 pm

If you have a facebook, and you’re online right now… you may rape my ‘like’ button now!
ashley October 7, 2011 At 9:59 am

thats almost as sad as dropping your crack in the snow :{
smp420 October 7, 2011 At 9:15 am

ayee 12345,, Im 15 to and i think some are pretty funny. Your prolly a lil bitch who thinks your cooler than everyone.
Cookiee monsterrr 110 October 6, 2011 At 3:45 am

Girl: Yhur a butthole.. ! (:
Boy: Well Yhur the whole butt )(:
HatingSarah October 5, 2011 At 5:19 pm

Sarah… All witty people get their stuff from this website… oh wait, no they don’t, they’re actually funny not just fools who regurgitate stuff.
Yrkaratekid October 5, 2011 At 8:21 am

I don’t curse, so most of this sucks for me! AHH!
Don cheeto October 5, 2011 At 7:40 am

A native can only read this if a chicken can read while eating the corn and chomping the bread of Jesus while readin everything I said to the one who made no sense and the at chick who likes skinny kids and the skinny kid who wants a piece of food and talks to a dead man but doesn’t know hes actually dead…. Words of our lord amen
Morgan Krueger October 4, 2011 At 5:49 am

HERES ONE 🙂
Call me a b****
Well a b**** is a dog,
dogs bark,
bark is on trees,
trees are part of nature,
and nature is beautiful..
So thanks for the compliment!
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz October 4, 2011 At 2:25 am

hahahahahahaha this is life
eva October 4, 2011 At 3:57 am

this shit works for shit lol
Brain October 3, 2011 At 4:48 pm

I f**king love this brosef
12345 October 3, 2011 At 11:25 am

this stuff is shit, im 15 and theres no way id use this crap, its dry and for parents that think they’re cool, justsaying.
taylor123 October 3, 2011 At 7:47 am

dear woman, have you ever thought to ur self sex is a complete mistake…. sex itself is pain. then you have to carry a baby around and throwup alot……then you have a baby come out of your va-jj so woman dont get pregnant!!! 🙂 hahaha JK just have protected sex, sex is amazing!!!!
Nobody October 3, 2011 At 7:06 am

please bang me
Nobody October 3, 2011 At 7:03 am

ill love these
Sarah October 3, 2011 At 2:06 am

my friends always ask me why am i so funny…..ITS BECAUSE OF THIS WEBSITE!
Lynn October 2, 2011 At 7:51 pm

This stuff is great, thanks guys! 🙂
john October 2, 2011 At 2:57 pm

this stuff is the shit…………
Rwan Altahir October 2, 2011 At 8:07 am

My favorite ones were I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?” and ‎”Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?”.
lmao
shelby October 2, 2011 At 6:44 am

its so funny lol
sabelo mabuza October 2, 2011 At 12:47 am

this one made my nyt.

I’ve always
wondered if film directors
wake up screaming “CUT!
CUT! CUUUUUT!” when
they have nightmares.
sithembiso khanyile(ngwane..) October 1, 2011 At 10:59 pm

lol,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,lol

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150+ Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates!!

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150+ Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates!!

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